more lies you tell yourself

i.
rain doesn't make me
sad anymore
because i KNOW i am
winning. i am better
at waiting than time. i am
slower than concrete. i 
suck on memories like lollipops
that a kid gets after
the doctor tells him how much
time. i am slower than time.
i am winning:

all the time. 

ii.
i'll ride this out
like dead horses.  i will build
cities out of their teeth.

but once, i was an ant
working endlessly
always tired.  my body sagged
until i was less than 
sand
and useless. now i can pretend
i am queen. now that i’m pure.

iii.
now that i am winning
even the clouds
lose their luster. 

now i can taste only
dirt, the sweetest. 

victory punch.

iv.
still. 46 hrs of sleeping
can't give you the secret. can't
tell you the truth.
it can sell you a car,
though. bright red. no money
down. only a finger.

v. 
hey man. 
take a ride.